12-2-09

Finishing someone's earthly life is a full time job. Even now, 2 month after the fact, I'm still
spending a coupla hours every day making phone calls or mailing back bills with DECEASED scribbled across them.

And we still haven't cleaned out her house. Arg Ick Phewy What. A. Mess that will be.

But y'know, it's all good. I'm okay....because I don't feel anything.

Every. Single. Day. 2 or 3 people call or come in to the store to tell me how shocked they were, or want to know what happened or worse....ask where she is. Then I get put in the position of apologizing for telling them that my mom died. Awk-ward!

Yeah Yeah Yeah. You're sorry. I'm sorry. We're all sorry.
Yeah, she was sweet. Yeah I loved her too. Yeah Yeah Yeah.

I can't even go to the drugstore without running into someone who smiles when they see me, but then the smile fades quickly into THAT LOOK that says i'msosorryiwasshockedohyoupoorthing
and I want to scream and run, but I don't because I'm well trained in being Socially Correct.

But if I don't feel then I won't have to worry about not being allowed to "move on". I can just shake my head and chuckle to myself about how everyone does the same thing. Obladee obladaa, life goes on for the lemmings.

And I can just put one foot in front of the other , day after day. Wake up every morning from the 'larm clock warning take the 8:15 into the city........and if your trains on time you can get to work by nine and start your slaving job to get your pay and if you ever get annoyed you can be self employeed....look at me I work at nothing all day

ohmamaImissyousomuch.